Well, here's the deal, I've come to a conclusion about myself and what I am meant to do/be in life. This isn't something that just came to me out of the blue, it's something that has slowly been stirring and bubbling to the service for the last year or so. Often times in life, we are asked "what is your calling in life?" and answers always vary. If you had asked me that five years ago I'm not sure I could have given you an answer, I'm not even sure I could have given you an answer two or three years ago. When I was younger (preteen), I was certain I wanted to grow up to be a Missionary Teacher and change the lives of children across the world. Before that I wanted to be an acrobat (thankfully, with my klutziness I didn't pursue that life goal), and after my preteen goal of being a Missionary Teacher, I wanted to be a Forensic Scientist and work with crime scenes (this was before CSI was hugely popular). My friend in high school also wanted to be a Forensic Scientist and work crime scenes and we thought it would be fun to grow up and own a company together called "BS Investigations"... it would seem God had other plans.
I changed my mind about being a Missionary Teacher when I thought through how far away from my family I would be, that works for some people, but I am not one of them. I am a homebody at heart and being with my family is one of the things that I love most in my life. I am not the kind of person who could survive being halfway around the world from my family. I even considered the Peace Corps once, but couldn't commit to the time frame away from my family.
I didn't truly pursue the Forensic Scientist route because it requires a medical degree... that requires lots and lots of mathematics, and well, I am BAD at mathematics. I mean, truly terrible. If you know me, and you have watched me attempt math, you know what I'm talking about. So, while I truly am interested in the Forensic Sciences and CSI, I don't have the brain for it. Turns out that is also okay.
In college, I took a lot of Psychology classes and a lot of Creative Writing classes, in fact, I took so many of both that I have a BS Degree in Psychology and a minor in Creative Writing. My degree in a Human Services field helped me get a job in the Social Services field. I never planned to work in Social Services and I stayed with that job a lot longer than I ever would have expected. Social Services was certainly not a job meant for me, it requires patience and an open personality. I don't consider myself particularly patient or open. Don't get me wrong, I can be open and friendly, but I also like to keep to myself, and I'm particular about who I am really open with and that makes being in the Social Services field difficult for me.
I left the Social Services field for my new job, Mom. Not just Mom, but a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM). Not a Work at Home Mom (WAHM). To clarify- It is my opinion that a WAHM is a Mom that works from home, such as my friend who has a Medical Billing business she runs out of her home while she stays home with her child. That to me is a WAHM. So, by my definition, I am not a WAHM, I am not employed by anyone other than my child and I do not earn a paycheck of any kind. PLEASE NOTE: This is my personal opinion. I understand that not everyone has the same definition for these terms.
I LOVE being a SAHM! I absolutely love being a Mom and I don't consider being a Mom to be work at all. Don't get me wrong, there are days that provide more challenges than other days, and we work through those days. There are days that I take a hot bath at the end of the day, but there are never any days that I wish it would all change. Since becoming a Mom I have found that I am a happier person and a lot more pleasant to be around, even on those challenging days. I know for a fact I had days where I would come home from my job and be so stressed out that I would just be mean and difficult to be around, and I hated those days. I hated how it made me feel, and I hated how it made those around me feel. In the last 15 months I have not felt that way once. Even in the beginning, when Caitlynn was colicky and life was complicated, I still ended every day with joy - not to say I wasn't pleasant all of the time (who is, really), but I was still nicer than I was before becoming a Mom.
Now, I don't want it to seem like it's always Rainbows and Sunshine. It's not. Sometimes its raindrops and clouds, and sometimes there is some thunder in this house, but it's the most rewarding job I've ever had. I also realize, I haven't been a Mom as long as a lot of women, and there is a lot of life left to experience, however, I just don't feel like I'll ever grow tired of being a mom. I told Brett the other day that if I never had a paying job in the workforce again, I wouldn't feel like I was missing anything. I really feel like I have accomplished what I was meant to accomplish and have realized a goal I wasn't even sure was truly a goal. I could be a SAHM for the rest of my life and be happy. Even once Caitlynn and any future children start school, I still believe that being a Mom will be what I want to do with my life. There are a lot of options for a Mom once children are in school (room mom, PTA, etc), and when I look towards the future, those are things that excite me. I am excited to experience all the aspects of being a Mom and all the ups and downs that come with it.
So, that's my answer. "What are you called to do in life?" I am called to be a Mom! And, when I think about it, it's funny, because when I was 6 and 7, I would play "grown up" and "house" with my best friend and I was always married and had kids in our imaginary play. Apparently, my soul has always known that I was meant to be a Mom. I'm thankful I was given this opportunity to raise my child and future children and to be a part of their lives in a way that a lot of people aren't able to.
I'm aware that not all moms want to be SAHMs or WAHMs and that it works for them - I am certainly not judging how any one person is a mother, especially since I don't believe there is any one way to be a Mom. As long as you're doing the best you can, you aren't harming your child, and you're not breaking the law, than you're achieving motherhood in my book. I'm also aware that not all women who want to be moms have been able to achieve that goal - it is my prayer for those women, that they are able to realize their dream of being a mom and are blessed with at least one child. Side note: the same theory applies to fathers... it's just that I'm not a father, so I don't have a whole lot to say about that.
I'm not sure if I've explained myself well or not, but I sure hope I have explained myself in a way that makes it clear to you, my readers. It may seem ridiculous that my "do/be in life" is Mom, but for me, it's the perfect answer. I hope you are able to find your "do/be in life" and that it makes you feel as happy and fulfilled as I do. Once you find it, you'll know, your heart feels full and your life has a joy you possibly may not have been aware you were missing (or at least, that's how it was for me).
Until Next Time~
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